okay i get it.

Mood:Dissapointed.

Currently listening to:Fine Without you; Armin Van Buuren

mmhm. Okay i get it! I'm not good enough.

i never will get it right.

I"M NOT MEANT TO FIND SOMEONE.

So i got used again.

WHAT A WASTE OF TIME.

"thanks for waisting my time"

everytime.

& honestly this time i could care less.

"& this isn't the end, my world won't stop, i'll continue to live, i'll simply just forgive & forget, it's easy when your used to it."

-taylor[me]

so sick of trying & getting knowhere.

trying will get you nowhere.

shit happens by chance by luck.

& you know what i have to say to luck as of right now

FUCK IT.

♥

BYE!

catch my dreams.

Mood: Confused.

Currently listening to:The Longest Road; Morgan Page & Lizzie♥

"If you are so frequently in loveIf you prefer it all to me then my loveYou go down the longest road to nowhereYou pull it apart and you’re just left there"

Quote of the day:"It’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching, and rarely discovered - so many locks, not enough keys."

Horoscope:

There's more support out there for you and your quest for love than you would have believed. The trick is to open up when you need help. Your friends and family want to be there for you. Give them the chance.

D R E A M C A T C H E R

i want oneeeeeeee♥

Today; went to dennys in the morning with julie, turned in our appllication from their.

Then went to the mall got an application from build-a-bear, ah i'd love to work their.

=].

i need a job & i hope i get one.

I just can't be layzee. lol.

Mhmm, "him" the him in my life. fuck i always have fuckin "hims" that shit is annoying.

Never the boyfriend.

just a him?

ugh well i guess their is no him.

Long DISTANCE SUCKS ANYWAYS!

never will i try it.

i have too much love in me i try to give & i always get taken advantage of.

AH i'll get it right one day.

♥

just not today.

& the countdown begins for The Lost City Of Atlantis♥

6 days.

cant wait to see my little "santa monica friends"

-faith.

i figured out yesterday that you have to put your faith into something.

Yesterday when we needed it most, i prayed & it got us through what we needed to get through.

If im gonna put my faith in soemthing i'm going to put it in god.

♥

right now lifes good.

not much to complain about.

RIP DJ AM♥

" day's go by & still i think of you"

accomplised

Mood:Accomplished.

Currently listening to:Never Say Never Armin Van Buuren♥

today, today was good.

Nothing bad happened, i was in a good mood all day.

Started WAY thinking about my life today.

Made a to do list which consists of

• research colleges
• join clubs at school
• see when the sat's start
• apply for jobs/ look for applications
• get organized
• decide what i want to do
• get transcripts for credit retrieval "d makeups"

Got one for dennys lol exciting the rest i need to see online.

but just got out of the homework got some stuff done, did my homework, and all that lame ass stuff, tomorrow gotta go to key club lmao.♥ me & julie decided to do it. community service lmao...

hooscope;so true

Relationships are simultaneously the most enduring and the most fragile thing in everyone's life. During the first half of the week, you get the chance to work on the most important relationship in your life: The one with yourself. All the rest are mirrors of your inner reality. During the last half of the week, focus on exploration and setting new boundaries for you and your companions. What once worked for you was useful for that time, but now it's the dawn of a new era. The weekend helps you see what limits you should put in place.

NOW, waiting for --Y O U......babe?

♥

HeadOverHeels.♥;

"Life, i really believe, is about falling in love. With ideas, with stories, with experiences, mistakes, adventures, poetry, imaginations, old books, new books, movies, music, and, of course, people. Everything that is worthwhile in this world is worth falling in love with, and I can’t imagine a better way to live one’s life than to be always head over heels."

♥

hey boy.

"When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?"

Today, just an ordinary day... one step closer to the weekend.

I guess that's all i look forward to now.

Tomorrow i NEED to do all my hw.

& i NEED to start reasearching for school's & stop being so lazy

GET JOB APPLICATIONS.

BE PRODUCTIVE!

fuck.

10days.♥

"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present."

P L E A S E.

<3

you.

The power that was taken away from you is starting to come back now, and you're actually stronger than ever. You've taken a few hits over the years, but you know there's no permanent damage -- in fact, what didn't kill you made you stronger.

[♥]

you.....

are amazing.

more than i ever imagined.

this is getting outta control.

why?

i dont know why i do it, when i tell myself.

It's not like i cant be happy, or have fun without it.

i just don't know.

& another one.

wow, taylor, you sure use that head of yours.

=/.

i don't know.

this time, it's for sure.

Bye.

♥

stupid, stupidddd, STUPID!

god, i'm SO stupid.

Alcohol is nothing but trouble for me.

i just need to stop.

i always hate myself after.

i say stuff i normally wouldn't.

i take things way too far.

& i'm just a STUPID stuppiiid stupid person with it.

it's a no for me now.

hoenstly. i need to think about after.

FUCK MY LIFE.

but anyways.

it's so funny.

now i know @ashleyhotpocket [haha twitter terms] reads my blog.

& i read hers.

HAHA hi ashley!!!

=D.

i'm glad you read this, it's sometimes things i wouldnt normally tell you.

not like that, but it's a easier way of telling my secrets.

orr iddddk.

im trippen.

NE WAYS.

kosmic today, should be good.

im excited.

=].

lets see what the night has in store for me.

goodbye.

i w o n d e r --♥;

Friday, August 21, 2009
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You may need to answer to your friends today as they criticize your faulty logic. Your first reaction is to stop the conversation along with their negative judgments by hanging up the phone, leaving the room or not answering the email. But you can learn an important lesson if you are willing to hear the truth. Stick with it even if it feels awkward, for the outcome may surprise you in a positive way.

friday; it feel's like it's going to be a good day.

i wish i had confidence..

♥.

change

change?

It seriously happens all the time, even when you don't realize.

Its true.

Day by day, it seem's nothing's changed, but when you look back everything's different.

change, is inevitable.

It's bound to happen, sometimes for the good, sometimes the bad.

Despite the bad change, change usually is for the better.

Changing is a process.

I think change is the only thing i can count on.

♥

"Good gracious, every process has a genesis and ends with a revelationGod bless this opportunity for me to find a voiceFor some words that have waited for way too longLow wages, Small tips on the avenueHaven't you heard the news lately?Seems we've been living for sometimes in a purgatoryBut yo, I thought I knew what a love song sound likeBut I felt a warmer tune in the sunlightI could still hear it in the room past midnightGotta move, take a solo cruise in the moon lightSometimes I do forget, Oh how much we could ease the lives we leadIf we learn to let go, the reins that we holdReturn to our souls, and the spirit let flowSo you see, upon everyday faces there's a million shades toExpress definition of graceBut the method I choose me perrogativeThere's so much love in me I got to give."

-n u j a b e s-

[♥]

i wan't to find a deeper meaning to living.

i know i can live so much more, & appreciate more.

Give me something amazing.

i think i deserve it.

but then again, who am i to say what i deserve or not.?

"just because i'm losing, doesn't mean im lost."

ohlittlegirl.

suchbigthoughts.

<3

DONT

♥

i cant wait....

hello;

it's so funny how im so diffferent from everyone at school.

i could care less about them.

They really believe that they'll know eachother after highschool.

It's really pathetic, do you honestly believe you people will stay in touch

you'll maybe stay in touch with one, maybe two.

That's why i don't even bother, i know who my friend for life is.

& my BESTFRIEND is better than a million friends.

aha i couod give two fucks.

i cant wait to get out, explore, meet new, real people, who have real hearts, best interests at hearts also.

i wanna live the "real world"

i know it will be hard, but i will do it.

i had pictures with old friends in my photobucket and i deleted them

i feel i no longer need those memories.

they'll forever take place in my heart, but i don't care about them.

thats all.

xoxoxo.

♥

weekendddd

mmmmmmhm.so ended up going to love fest SUPER lastminuteee.

& it was so dope , it deff. made up for hard.

the music was sick all nite long & i was with real chill people, everyone i meet

from santa monica is too sick, i don't think i was meant to be boring in palmdale, this lame ass desert....i cant wait to get out.

it's crazy how you can only know someone because of a rave and in the rave world when you see em' its like you've known them forever.. it's cool.

it's like you would have NEVER in your life met them, but it gives you that chance to

mmmmhmmm.

kosmic fest next weekend, dang three in a row. baha dope.

can't wait......

& that's basically it.

♥

ta ta for now;

you

"Your the King of mixed signals, and i'm the Queen of second thoughts"

♥

open up your eyes;

yesterday; i realized...i have such a different lifee compared to people at my school.

like their all about school get togethers, & bbq's & i like to go out, party, be with friends.

i just feel too mature for school, not cocky-wise. but i feel over that phase.

i know what i wanna do , i wish i can just start already.

i gotta work hard cuz i promise myself i will nott sit around & do nothing.

i will make something out of myself.

"god put me on this planet for a reason"

mmmhm, i don't know why i still talk to him...im so dumb.

you must think im some big joke.

i always make a fool outta myself, tilll i become low, feeling bad about myself andd let one more thing break me down about guys.

im an IDIOT.

fuuuuckk. whatevhs. ah life?

it's fine.

i guess no complaints.

=]

byee.

oh yeah.

Quickie
The bold risk-taker inside of you is ready to gamble today, but is the rest of you?
Overview
Take extra care with the small stuff today, because otherwise, you may find that you end up with far more big projects than you can handle! Little details are all-important right now.

♥

hmmm true.

Like the sun emerging from behind rain clouds to make everything glisten, let yourself go. Release control and be yourself in every interaction, joking with those around you as if they were all friends. Be unafraid.

♥

today.

not much to say.

just another day..........

hmmm?

well, where are you?

=/.

♥

9:12

bye.

by me

everything's temporary, it's just a part time feeling of happiness.

Ashley Medina Batugo

I promise.

No matter what happens. You'll always be my bestfriend.

You'll always be the one i remember who was ALWAYS their.

I'll remember all our good times, & try to forget our bad.

I'll know your the one who stuck by me, & never let me down.

Nothing will ever change us.

You'll always be my better half.

♥

est;2004.

exhausted.

school's got me tiiireeed.

=/. Its only the third day & i can feel this year is going to be SO SLOW.

ahhh. Its the sameee old people, same routine. Kinda boring.

But gotta deal with it.

mmmh, got an unexpected text yesterday.

i think everything in life works out so crazy.

"When you give a fuck, They don't; When they give a fuck, You don't."

life is ironic.

isn't it.

i'd like to think so.

Give me some excitement in my life.

It's getting to routined, & i hate ittttt.

& ihate how everything makes you think of the one thing you don't want to think about.

Why does it do that? like it's one thing after the next.

once you stop, something happens again.

it's like god shoves it in your face.

" haha you made a mistake"

it's like okay i get the point, i made a mistake, now take me past it.....

take meeeeee past it!

=].

mhm thats all for today.

horoscopes have been kinda blah..

off to read.

bye.

^.^

♥

quotes.

"developing a new emotion of affection for somebody is easy. the hard part is getting rid of the old emotion you had for someone else."

"May we never let the things we can't have, or don't have, or shouldn't have, spoil our enjoyment of the things we do have and can have. As we value our happiness, let us not forget it, for one of the greatest lessons in life is learning to be happy without the things we cannot or should not have."

[♥]

.

mmmhm.

thinking about him more than ever, now that i can't have him.

i wish you can get what you want.

i just wanna be happy with someone.

i NEVER want relationships.

but i just want something new. someone i can look forward to seeing everyday.

someone i can hug everyday when i'm feeling down

wishin' it could be him... but wishes..

i already know those are pointless.

"The thing about addiction is it never ends. Well,because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you're there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting go hurts even worse".

i do "wish" to see you again.

soon...but i know it will only make things harder.

..i texted him today.& he texted once, didn't text back.

he's over it...why cant i be?

i deleted his number....i need to delete my facebook.

im just scared of loosing contact of him completely..

i dont want him out of my life.. but i guess he already made that decision.

ughh........why do i care?

buhbyeeeee......

♥

first day

mmmhm today; first day of school.
Not SOOOO bad, butt it seem's boring.
i feel so over the highschool shit.
i dom't even feel like a senior.
BLAH...
thinking of him all day.
=/. sucks.
but..i got to get over it.
we have two seperate live's.
i need to just forget about him all together.


=].
i'll be fine...........................................

♥

when your gone.

hard summer;
such a let down.
SUCKED SO BAD.
i cannot believe it.
i was looking forward to it for SO long
& then that happened. it was the worst.
i wish things would have happpened differently.

bad timing.

good quote.Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone. -- The Notebook

♥

& thats life.
so long
mahsoul.....

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

im so fucking irritated i just had to fucking blog.
i swear to god i just dont get you sometimes.
i hate when you get fucking emotional & something doesnt go your way
all you want is fucking pity that shit pisses me the fuck off.
instead of solving the problem you fucking give up like.
"oh it's fine" omggggggg stop putting up a FUCKING FRONTTTTTTTTTTTTT
like fucking seriously.
dasvfawn ISzfusdfkwerhistfupzs Hfest237049ruQ8396YT.....
I DONT GET IT.



fuck.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
welll anyfucking ways.!
hard's tomorrow.
& you can play your guilt trip but YOU GAVE UP.
ill have a fuckn dandy time.
=D
ahahaha.
lets see what the fuck it has in store.
fuck fuck fukc.............
i never knew i could say fuck
so many fucking times.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!

"Dreams are the result of cracks in your consciousness when you sleep, so listen up. The voices you hear during your slumber reveal the truth. Even if the images are intense and surreal, they have major clues about your real life -- make sure you're paying attention. "

wow. i love that.

♥

ahhhhhhh

hellllllllo;










ashley come to pete knight- to laugh at all these posers, and walk around the school like we just dont give a fuck.
cuz we don't
& thats why i love her.
theirs days when im a bitch to her, and i do regret it after.
its just cuz i know shes the only one who will put up with it.
♥
she's everything i can ask for in a bestfriend.
i love you ash.
you make my days worthwhile.


mmmmmmmm.
that's all for today.
tommorrow-please be good to me.
2 days til' hard.
<3
=]

in a way.

In a way i want to thank you.
My mind was so preoccupied with him ALL THE time.
always bringing my good days down.
I met you & you took my mind off him for a little while.
I DO BELIEVE,

everything happens for a reason
I WON tickets to go, randomly met you.
like that's fate to me.
& it may not have been something between us, but maybe we werent meant to
be anything, maybe you were sent to me to take my mind off him.
& it worked.
So again, i would like to thank you.
You made me stronger.
I have a whole new outlook on relationships.
♥


well, yesterday...was deff. not my day.
it was really bad.
i just felt so doooown.
but today things are changing.

now i can finally stop thinking so much, i was going insane.
i just can't wait to go shopping now.
=D which will probably be tomorrow.
& then im lowkey set for school.
i will buy clothes.
& then on sunday, i'll get my makeup.
then i just need hairspray lmaoo.
.
dad you truly did the best you could do.
♥


"One of your siblings -- or maybe a parent -- is acting kind of crazy. Half of that is because you can't see all their motivations. It's a good time to let them be who they are. "


bye.

the only thing

that TRULY makes me happy.








soithought,

someone

made my day today
& i just met today.
i realized, no one cares about your problems.
theirs few that do.
i dont know why i always show my feelings to the whole world
it's just so hard to keep them in.
& whenever i do, i break down.
i always show that i'm happy.
You'll never see me cry, but theirs alot where that comes from.
i just dont know what to do anymore.
Some days im excellent the next im horrible.

ahh.
i dont know whats next?

HA HA !!!!!!

fuuuuck that.
IM WAY TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR THAT BULLSHIT.
i'm way smarter now & know how to play the game.
Don't Get Any strong feelings so its easy to kick em to the curb.
BABY BOY, you've just been drop kicked BAHA.
IF you think your gonnaaa talk to me, tell me this, tell me that
& then stop talking to meee, and expect to see me their anddd try to hook up with me.
BOY, you got the WRONG girll.
& things better change.
I dont even know why i was trippen.

it was a nice change, a cute little fling for a bit.
but i gueeesss, thats all it was
♥
sorry had to let that anger out.


& I STILL AM NOT FUCKING PREPARED FOR SCHOOOL.
i need so much stuff.
=/
i dont even know who i'm gonna be with :[
ashley m batugo.
i need you.
♥

!




HARD SUMMER...........4 days.
[♥]



"Whatever is left unsaid now may be banished into the shadows for a while."
a little bit from my horoscope.



i believe.....
xoxoxo.
silly little girl;

...

all i do is eat.


sincerely, fat ass bitch.
=]

Stick to your nature: Forgive but don't forget. Don't be surprised if someone who really hurt you comes sniffing around for clemency. It's okay to bury the hatchet. But taking it further than that? No way! No matter how convincing they sound, they haven't changed.



i want to know who?
i think i have a gut feeeeeling.



welll. the other day went out, went to some kickbacks.
& i was talking to aria all night.
It was so good.
& then i told him text meee right when you wake up.
& yesterday was the FIRST day since the rave we didnt talk all day.
=/ i wanted to talk, but i ALWAYS make him text me.
haha. & especially since i askeddd.
but he must have beeen too busy.
im so stupiddd.
haaaaaa.
=]

but anywhooo.
i hate how you're hiding shit from me.
i feel like we're drifiting apart
& we're becoming less & less bestfriends.
maybe we're TRYING to keep the title.
A friendship shouldnt be that way.
=/


hard summer...5 days.
School....7 days.
Am i prepared

FUCK NO




♥
bye.

trouble;

trouble. that song make's me think....like alot.
im just not prepared for life.Everything's getting out of hand.
This life's got a hold on me.
i feel lonely, i feel ugly, i feel pitiful, i feel useless, i feel dependent, and poor.horrrrrrrible words.
=[.
why must i get like this.
I need things to fall into place.

i wished at 11:11 lastnite, and realized something.
I wish the same EXACT thing every night.
& my wish NEVER comes true.
It makes me lose all hope in wishing.
=/ But wishing is one thing that gives me hope.


it reminds me of this quote: i thought was so cute.
"i missed 11:11 by one minute last night, I think that's fate's way of saying i don't need to wish for you anymore."♥

I HATE THAT I CARE ABOUT MY APPEARANCE.

I HATE THAT I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU'RE DOING.

I HATE THAT I'LL NEVER HAVE A STEADY RELATIONSHIP.

I HATE THAT I CAN'T GET THIS LIFE RIGHT.

I HATE THAT I HATE.

WHAT'S NEXT?



a n o t h e r p i e c e o f h o p e.

Saturday, August 1, 2009
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are feeling the stresses and strains of an emotional conflict that can almost reach an eruption point today. But expressions of jealousy and envy are probably based on unrealistic fears and insecurities, so don't give in to them too quickly. Shifting your thinking from a model based on scarcity to one built on abundance can loosen the tangled knot that is preventing you from taking the next big step in your life.








♥

hear me out 11:11