hey boy

Hey boy, when we first met on the 31st and it was Halloweeen you know what i mean.
♥

awh, today is the day, hallloweeeen, Monster massive.I love halloween. Everyone dresses up, it's like we're all little kids again.We can be whatever we want, wear whatever we want, its just so fun.Maybe thats why i like raves so much.Because its like everyday's halloween, people reguraly dress in costumes, and wear what they want, act how they want, its the world you go to, to escape the "real world" have fun for a bit, relax.This month didn't really feel halloweenish, i wonder if it's cuz the older we get the less spirited we are. Things were so different when you were little, time went by so slow.The years took foorrrrevver to pass, and now it feels like i was counting down yesterday

10, 9, 8 , 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 happy new years.

this year, so far, just two more months to go, but it was amazing. More than i could have asked for.i really do have it good, cant complain much, and that will be my new years resolution, no regrets, just live life, and never complain, okay maybe not NEVER, but dont sweat the small stuff.Lifes good, and im so happy to be apart of what ive been apart of.

when im old and wrinkly[ if i make it that long, fingers crosses]ill look back and remember everything and just laugh.I wont know all my old friends anymore, i'll wonder what they did with their life, if they made it, if they passed away, if they have kids, what they did with their life, and im sure some will wonder about me.but ill always remember my wondeful childhood, all the dumb mistakes i made, the dumb boys i chose, all the missions, the things my parents wouldnt approve of, the crazy shit we talked about, experienced, and saw.ill remember,and i hope they all will too.

one more year and im finally "an adult" on my own, and i hope i accomplish alot in my time, i hope to go far, and never give up, my dreams are so big, but i want this so bad.& if me and you arent friends anymore, which lets face the truth, we probably wont be.ill never forget the laughs, dumb jokes, stupid fucked up nights, the fights, the boys, everything.

illl remember how we felt the same, we could read eachother's minds, you had my back i had yours,and that at one point you were the only thing that helped me through the days, i hope you can sit back and say the same.

If we dont talk, i hope you remember all the times you thought i was being mean, and realize it was me trying to help you, trying to make you into the person i know you want to become, and i hope you get everything you need in the future.until then.

lifes good.

yeah

yea, i've noticed....

everything's about you & "your boys" these days.

hahahahahaha.

future tatoo.

QUOTE ME

i could care less.

goodbye.

i havent

been writing lately.

so let me tell you about my weekend.

Or friday i guess, because that's the only day i went out.Went to the hall. It was pretty fun. [=.

Hopefully theirs more.

I can't believe monster massive is next saturday.

My costume came, raggady anne, i love it. Good thing i looked forever for it.

Wow, this month went by so fast, this YEAR went by so fast.

The closer i come to the end of the year scares me more and more.

I just wanna do something with my life, i want to go to college, and make a career, i wanna be successful, and getting closer and closer to the real world scares the hell outta me.

Im scared i wont make it.

I know it takes alot, but i dont know if a college would accept me, and if id be able to support myself, money, needs and all that.

I dream of being in a city one day.

Even l.a would be great. i just wanna have all my shit together, and i wanna do something

i hope one day to walk in the city , and say i made it.

dreams dreams dreams, ughh.

When your little they dont really prepare you for life.

Its kinda crazy how it works.

Its like 0-18 thats the easy part 18-100 your on you own, you make it or you dont.

people die, people drop out, do drugs, and some are successful.

and you, you've been going a little overboard lately

I care for you so much, DUH your my bestfriend.

and i know you'll read this.

But it's like this is the time in our life to have our priorities in check.

To know what we're doing, and its like the closer it comes the less you care.

I just dont want you falling behind, because i wanna make it,and id enjoy it alot more if i made it with you.

to tell the whole world WE did it.

We'll prove em wrong.

just think about what you want for your future.

cuz it scares me everyday.

i think.

so, this morning i was thinking.

What if you could restart your whole life, and do everything over.

I wonder which path you'd choose, who'd be your friends, what mistakes you'd make.

It made me start to think alot.

What if i had done something differently, could my whole life be changed

I feel like i did the things in my life and made it up to how it's supposed to be.

It's weird even thinking if i had different friends in life, if i didnt have ashley.

I think god place's you where he think's will make you succeeed in life.

I feel different than alot of kids in my school.

Drugs to them are like OHMYGOD.

& just things that dont surprise me shock them.

I've seeen SO MANY things their is to see.

i UNDERSTAND the world, and how people can be different.

it makes me a better communicater, and more understandable, cause i know where your coming from.i feel like he made me this way, brought me to the people i know, so i could already have that in my brain before i get into "the real world"

i dont know if this makes sense.

it sounded alot better in my head.

But i'm just thankful for what i know, and what i've been through.

today was cowboy & indian day.

it was pretty cool

i dressed as an indian.

=]

toodlesss.

it seemsss.

" when you're alone, it seem's like the WHOLE WORLD'S in love."
it really does.
i just wanna run away for a bit.
go somewhere totally new, a new world for me.meet new people, discover new things.
Man, i can't wait to get out of this town.
But the closer & closer it comes, the more is scares the crap out of me.
I feel like i can't do it. I have so many dreams. I have so many thing's i hope to accomplish in my life.I feel like it's impossible.: [

"i feel like if you want something so much, it mean's you'll never get
it"

i dont knwo maybe im on that

imonmyperiod,everythingseemstobegoingwrong

But it make's me sad.

& then with the whole boy thing that i was talking about.

I feel like theirs no one out their for me.

is their?

blah... i dont wanna get all emotional.

might as well leave before i keep going

bye.

redlight.

...So i haven't updated lately.

But let me tell you about my weekend.

Friday: Crystal Catchup; came down to the dale.

Ashley, Crystal, Jessica, and i planned to go out to dinner, switch things up.

David & phil came along with.

But we went to Chili's it was bomb.

We're gonna do it more often.

Then, went to a kickback.It was whatever. Nothin' special.

Saturday: Waking up with ashley & crystal. We got ready.

Ashley had to go to the mall to do some winter shopping.

It was cool.

Sunday: Went over to ashleys. Her brother smoke's us out & we watch the movie "obsessed" & "teenage dirtbag"

-teenage dirtbag was based on some true events.

& it was about this girl in highschool.

She's a cheerleader, and hangs out with "the cool kids"

So, she's destined to act that way.

Theirs a boy names Thayer and he trys to impress her but she didn't find it amuzing

so he begins to hate her.

Then they had study hall together.

& they would talk everyday about everything but just in that class.

She got to learn about him.

They were both the same and i think they both liked eachother.

Until one day he disapeared.

One day he told her he wanted to have a fake death.

So when she's older she's left to find out if he is really dead or he faked it.

Either way she'll never forget him.

I liked the movviiee alot.

♥

wow i sound like im in english class writing a summery or something.

haha.

Monday:Ashley & me met Maria at the mall.

Went to Red robbins, went job hunting, turned in some apps.

So overall it was good.

& now it's wednesday

meaning.

17 more days till monster massssssssive.

[=

goodbye

you.

i dont know. we tell eachother everything. Your a really good friend. But i still feel more.

I hate how i send you signals all the time, and what i get in return, not what i wanted.

I do want you, i will not lie, even if you're not the cutest to my friends.

Your a real sensitive guy, and you just understand me, and i can act completely stupid.

but........................

=/

maybee

Horoscope:

Overview
Stepping outside of your comfort zone is by definition uncomfortable. But isn't it usually incredibly rewarding, too? You're in a strong phase of risk-taking and you are a brave person, so this combination means that right now you are in a prime position to make a huge leap in your life. Whether it's changing your job, moving to a new city, or starting a new relationship, you are ready to explore living your life in a new way. Talk to those who have done it before and get some tips.

Now is a great time to teach yourself the lesson of letting go. You should do your best to avoid the temptation to hold on too tightly to people -- it's not so bad now and then, but you have to release them at some point.

hmm. i was just thinking if i should tell him i still have a little bit of feelings for him and how great i think he is.Until......i read this. & its absolutley right. i just can't help but wonder if he ever cares, if i ever meant anything to him, or if it was just a fling.

It's crazy how fast we ended. But He's a good guy. & i'll never forget him.

But i need to not" hold on too tightly to people" maybe i just didnt wanna let him go.. let us go.

But truth is, it's been let go, he let go.

I hate that im always the last one with feelings. I just feel like ill never be in a situation were i actually like a guy they like me back and we have a real relationship.

Truth is ive never had a "real boyfriend".

Like anyone i've dated hasnt been anything long enough to count for me.

Maybe, for once i just want someone.

Or maybe i'm just thinking too much.

"She likened it to a childhood crush, such strong almost obsessive feelings, but more, it had depth. She felt attracted to everything about him, the way he talked, the way he dressed, the words he used, his apparent innocence. Yet he was filled with a deep knowledge of wise insights. He always said the right things, even when she didn’t want to hear them. The darkness lifted and she could suddenly see beyond. When he breezed into the room, he brought clarity and brightness with him. He was walking hope and she could tell that things for her be… not fantastic or wonderful or happily ever after, but that they could be okay. And that was enough. "
— Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now

"Don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely.

Loneliness is the human condition.

No one is ever going to fill that space.

the best you can do is know yourself, know what you want."

-white oleander.

♥

life.

I love them.

real people, thats what they are.

& im thankful for them.

Even though i barellly met jerome, i can tell he's dope as fuck.

& ash.... you already know.♥

<3

Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.
Margery Williams Bianco // The Velveteen Rabbit

i love this quote.

Weekly Horoscope;

So true.

Something utterly unexpected throws everything upside-down in your domestic realm on Monday: dishes are rolling every which way, the cat is in shock. Or maybe it's not as calamitous as all that -- but something big and rattling does happen. On Tuesday, it's natural that you want to take it easy, but you're not in a lazy mood, as your brain is on overdrive. Plus, romance is in the air. Wednesday has a storybook quality to it, but the practicalities of Thursday and Friday snap you out of that. The end of the week is a great time to start something, and the weekend is an ideal time to fall in love.

♥

October First.

Today, Andres Chunga's Funeral.

Wow, seeing someone i once laughed with, someone i once hugged, someone i once texted, someone i cared about lying their dead.

Something i can't explain. I can't believe it.

It was good closure, i needed it to put me to rest.

He's gone. For good, now all we can do is accept it.

Einar gave a speech that had me in tears.

He said he had a weird feeling about it.

& for some reason andres & stephen & rj & all of them we're talking about funerals and that Andres himself said he wanted a party. The day before it happened.

Einar said he didn't know for some reason he just wanted to chill with them on friday. They didnt go out they juct chilled together. he said he didnt say much just sat back"& watched them like a slow movie, like as if he was watching their last day together" and it was his last day.

He said he knows andres is...happy.

No matter what i love you andres. You were so loved by many. Your videos were countless & so funny. you were once of a kind & will never be forgotten.♥

The end.

friends; it seems as if i have NONE.

i have no one to fall back on.

We're growing apart as the day's go by.

You never tell me stuff anymore, you spend your days trying to get closer with other people, making sure your friendship with them is good.

It's like the more fights we have the least our friendship becomes.

Maybe throughout highschool your supposed to lose all your friends?

idunno. but i know one thing.

YOU CAN ONLY DEPEND ON YOURSELF.

& thats a fact.