idk

okay,so after all the MILLIONS of times, saying not to mention blogging about it.

As of right now...their is a you & me.

am i ready to show you to the world? ehh.=/

November twenty-ninth, two thousand and nine.

Some real heat has been growing between you and another person, but it might not be exactly the kind you were hoping for. Be open to all possibilities, because you still have a lot to gain from building this relationship. Being more flexible about your expectations is a good idea, because polarity in your life is going to force you to go back and forth between disparate tasks or people.

i dont know what to expect.

i want more.

i deserve more.

i deserve less.

the way i see it.

Man. Thanksgiving break.
It was deff. a break that i neeeded.
The week was fun, went out had my fun, got some sleeping in time, and now back to school.
The main thing i've been worrying about is my letter back from CSULA.
Im pretty sure when i do it will say denied. & its already gonna be past Nov, 30th; which means they'll be no more options to apply for a university.
I really have no backup plan and it really scares me.
I refuse to go to AVC, i just know im capable of more than that.
Thats the school for people who are gonna stay in Av forever.
Thats not what i have planned for my life.
Going to start applying for jobs, YET AGAIN.
Maybe ill have more of an opportunity because the seasonal.
Well, thats all for now.
bye.

dont.

i dont know what i want.
i dont know what i want.
i dont know what i want.

i dont know what i want.

i dont know what i want.

i dont know what i want.

i dont know what i want.

i dont know what i want.

i dont know what i want.

............

waiting, waiting, waiting.

♥

man oh man.

i say it over and over again.

that i should stop that.

:[.

i really need to do what i say i'm going to do.

Not just say it.

This time im serious, at least for a little bit.

Its coming to an end, time to get serious, focus on the important things in life, and get my priorities in check.

Him, we're good.

real good, i think the best we've been.

But theirs still that little insecurity in my head telling me he'll leave me for her.
i wouldn't be surprised if they still talk.

i know i shouldnt be nosy, but they both still have eachother on their tops.

he still has the thing on his page.

wouldnt you think when you get over someone you completely forget about them.

why would you keeep them around if all it did was cause you pain.

i think people like pain, people crave it.

We're so accustomed to the same rutine.

Boy meets girl.

Girl meets boy.

The whole phase were your talking.

Then you expect something BAD to happen.

& if it doesnt, your surprised, and your insecure so you push the person away, because they didnt push you away first.

this "you" happens to be me.

to myself, i'm thbe BIGGEST HYPACRITE.

I say i dont wanna get hurt, this & that.

But then when their ready for me, im not ready for them.

back to the point,

i just know theirs something about her he likes, and theirs something about her ill never be.

My insecurties disgust me.

"Calls became frequent, we hang out on the weekend

Start to feelin` like, she`s the one I`ve been seekin

didn`t take it far, third base, at most.

Never seal the deal, but always came close.

I knew that if I hit it, I would have to stay commited

I was young, 21, man I just wasn`t with it.

Knew what was comin` and you can`t run from it.

Ain`t no feelings that strong between man and a woman.

She said she wanted more than a friendship,

But I wasn`t one in the bed,I said I wanted friends with benefits.

but I was only trying to pretend,I didn`t want you ,Realy want to make you mine.

I would never mislead you,But then, how I treat you.

But girl, you got to give me some time"

Murs is too dope♥;

november twelth

♥November 12th.

The "we" is no a seperate "you" & "i".

"We", are no longer a "we".

i made it clear to what i expected.

First, you tell me im what you want, then you're not sure if your over her and say we should and i quote,"wait till im 100 percetn over her or to see what happens that way if we try something i could give you 100 of my time and feelings".

what kind of bullshit?....what kind of girl do you think i am.

Their is someone out their who will give me 100% of their time RIGHT NOW. Not make me fucking wait for it, thats bullshit if thats what you want me to go through for you.

sorry, but thats not how i am.

yeah i act like i dont care, but thats not the case.

you were different than any guy i've met, besides the whole hurting me thing[that's not new].

But the way you cared.

I hope she give's you everything you ever asked for, i hope she treats you like your her only one. I hope she gives you the WORLD. Because obbviously im lacking somewhere in that department.

"im tired of giving it my all and getting nowhere"

you just couldn't have really thought i'd take that, wait for when your ready, and over her, and then just pick it right back up.

& to you, HAVE HIM, i know he'll treat you GREAT, even though from the looks of things

you can fucking care less.

People dont understand when they have a good thing right in front of them. & i hope what you remember in the end is how good i treated you, how i was always their, and most of all,

how you let me go.

cuz i wont forget.

you also put drugs in front of me, & dont have your shit together.

figure it out, this is your one and only life, drugs will be their forever.

but i dont know, who am i to say anything, afterall im nothing but another face.

♥

life, man. i just wanna make it.

this is obviously MY CONSTANT thought.

ehh tooooo much to think about, time to do homework.

Fuzzy fest pleasssseeee!!!

=]

♥

its funny how some people just say something and it changes the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love. It changes everything; nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they don't know it, it still happens.

Today, if you are aching for a slower pace in your life, you have to create it yourself. Instead of sending instant messages or emails to make your point, seek out a slower way of making things happen. Try for more face-to-face communications and say something very important to someone special. Let all your casual conversations meander down tangential paths. You could make a breakthrough connection with someone who intrigues you, if you listen hard enough.

not much to say, the weekend was good, lets have a good week.

bye.

it's like.

i don't know; you'll always be my bestfriend....

but we can't fight it, things ARENT the way they once were.

i wish thing's never changed, but it's life. But never did i think that we would change.

It's kinda crazy, and pretty sad. But it's like you don't even make the effort to make anything better so why would i.

[your not one to put things back together].

like i've said many times, i'll be here when you need me.

You just didn't realize your priorities and what mattered to you.

or maybe that's what tore us apart.

your priorities were different than i thought.

But let me make ONE THING CLEAR; They will never replace your friendship, what you've given and brought to my life. You know "bestfriend" is your one[ best]friend. you dont just hand that word out like candy.

people earn that name. You will always be my other half.