christmass

so christmas was good, got this laptop i am using as we speak....or type lol.
Its pretty dope, got some clothes, and a bag, and random shit.
Its crazy christmas came & went. everything wass good alll day. Until..... the fight with kevin.
Its been the same like the last three weeks. We'll have like one good day, and then we just kinda stop talking how we used to, we get into a fight, i tell him im hurt,he begs for me to stay, yadda yadda yadda But yesterday i realized everytime i tell him it's okay & i wnat us to be good he thinks its okay for next time, or for anytime. & i want him to realize it's NOT OKAY. He's NOT giving me the attention i need, NOR deserve. Its crazy how the tables turn. At first he was the one catering to me, all taylor, your the best, and liking me like crazy, and i liked him but not as much as i do now. Now im the one catering to him, trying to be the best, but it just seems like he doesnt care.
i guesss this is really true

"We ignore the ones who adore us;adore the ones who ignore us;Love the ones who hurt us;and hurt the ones that love us"

i guess i always knew that.
im just dumb, i let myself fall way too deep, like always, and now it's not gonna be like before.
I told him i was done.
he said please taylor."ill make a day for us"
a day? thats just not enough for me.
& im not usually the attention type of girlfriend in fact i usually HATE attention, thats usually the reason why it ends, cuz i feel smothered. but in this case i dont even know.
& he asked so "are you breaking up with me"
& i told him "i think so"
i cried last nite :[
it sucks im not that type of girl and i refuse to be sad over him.
4 more days until a new year.
Maybe god does things for a reason.
New year; New start.
maybe it'll be something so good for me.
i was talking to jessie.... me and kevin talked for about 6 months.
I told her it was over half the year wasted on kevin.
She said it wasnt wasted, cuz at the time i was happy. i guess she's right. i was so happy.
you made my life amazing kevin, i know you cant see this, but ill always know how you kept me from being down, all the days and nights we talked. the beggining was so good. actually the whole thing was amzing, we had our ups & downs. but i really truly am thankful for you coming into my life, youll always have a piece of my heart, but whats best for us is to stop this fighting, move on with our lives.
i guess your another....chapter in my life.
kevin schellenger. forever & always..ill never forget.
goodbye.